Kansas above with her hoody ready for hunting season.

No the snow has not yet arrived at Wilcox. According to my friend and groundskeeper, Buddy, the Shore is experiencing a mild reprieve from a cold start to winter. Still, green grass or snowbanks a mile high, I sure wish I was there.

And yet...here on Bay Street one can sometimes see the most spectacular shows of nature. A couple of weeks ago I looked out to see a raptor of some kind circling between the buildings, spiraling up on the up drafts and then looping back low and starting the spiral again. Soon I noticed he/she had been joined by another...and another...until there were 14 in all. 14 raptors (they looked larger than the peregrines I first took them for) spinning and spinning...'kettling' my bird watching friend Marsha Jane (above) tells me. Never heard that word used that way before. A kettling of eagles. She tells me that they do that to gather before a migration.

So I live in the wilderness at Wilcox to experience nature first hand and I come to downtown Toronto, a different kind of wilderness, to find this spectacle presenting itself to me, unasked. Goes to show, like the song says, "you can't always get what you want, but you get what you need". I sure needed that kettling, that touchstone with something wild and certain.

Life continues to be a ball of uncertainty here. I go on getting my teeth fixed and having my skin attended to, such ordinary things. Things for future benefit. And I wonder each time what the point is without the lungs. Shouldn't everything go on hold until then? And then I get it, not for the first time, but for the millionth time. Why is this lesson so hard to learn?

Life is about today. Waiting until there is enough time, money, health, energy, space, willpower, is cheating yourself. There is never a perfect time to be. Borrowing from AA, "Fake it 'till you make it" if necessary. But get on with now. It's all there is. And today for me it contains a kettling of eagles and it's good.

Warm thoughts
Sandra

YARD SALE THIS SUNDAY, Sept. 28th 9am-1pm

This SUNDAY, Sept 28th, 9am-1pm.....if the weather holds out, there will be one more little yard sale for Sandra Winter. It will be held at 6165 Willow Street, Halifax, NS.

If you have things to donate you can bring them to this address the day of the sale, as there is no storage space for items this time. Any questions, you can contact Anne Hillis at 463-1007!

See ya at the sale!

Season of the Monarch

The Monarchs are back! I was astonished the first autumn I spent here on Bay Street to find at least a month where not a day went by without a monarch butterfly or two passing my balcony on its way to ...South America? It seemed like a fluke. Or a sign. I found a lot of encouragement in that happening and my mother made it into an emblem for me, adding it as the image on my calling card and making a stained glass container for the cards.

Now it has happened again. The Monarchs are back. No fluke. Those guys are inspired to keep going. A whole year and then some and I'm still here waiting but, the important bit is the 'still here' part. Life is stripped quite bare by now and even so, it offers up stunning moments like the day last week of the first Monarch sighting.

The last few months have been filled with a new element. That of hired caregivers. I've had women from Russia, Antigua, Ethiopia, China, Hungary and Jamaica come to do everything from pick up and dust the apartment, to escorting me to the treadmill room. Combined with the emotional support that I've always got from my team and family, I feel as if I'm the central figure in a Noh theatre piece, everyone else dressed in black, invisibly facilitating my being able to lead my life of 'independance'. I'm so impressed at the gentleness and kindness these women offer day after day allowing me the dignity of a relatively seamless life even when I need so much help to pull it off.

On a very exciting note, all transplant hopefulls were called to a meeting a few weeks ago to hear a presentation by the head surgeon, Dr. Shav Keshavjii. Dr Keshavjii was the surgeon who did my first transplant and is a brilliant fellow) He wanted to present us with an exciting new project called HELP which will change lung tranplant radically. The research is done. The approvals are in and the live study is underway.

Kshavjii told us that of all the lungs donated only 18% are in usable shape when they arrive at the hospital on ice. The rest have minor to major problems. He has developed an invivo process (like an incubator) to hold a less than perfect lung, infuse it with air (rather than keep it on ice) and allow it to rest for a period of a few hours. He has found that this rest period allows a very high percentage of the lungs to self correct and make them meet or exceed the standards for transplant. He was looking to us to sign forms if we were willing to receive a 'reconditioned' lung. Projecting into the not too distant future, he could see having lungs held in a 'bank' ready for use when the need arose, hence cutting out this dreadful waiting period. It would also of course increase the percentage of usable lungs, he felt, to 60%...quite a leap from 18%. All VERY exciting.

Reporting from the Monarch counting station here on Bay ST Toronto
correspondent Sandra Winter

Just some of my recent visitors!

So this is my Mom, Jeanne. She has just spent much of a month here with me in Toronto saving my bacon. I'd reached the bottom of my coping skills barrel when she came to my rescue. It isn't easy returning to olden days roles, a mom and a sick kid. But we managed very honourably, I think..Hope you do to Mom!

The bug that completely robbed me of by ability to fend for myself is nicely under control as of last week. So this week I've sent Mom home to recouperate...may take her a while. All 79 3/4 years of her made three meals a day, (to my specs), made the beds, did the laundry, was my hospital workout coach and evening tucker inner. Big job. Especially when I'm so ornery about how I want what where and when.

I've had lots of visitors along the way, many from down East. I'll write about some of that tomorrow. For today, I've used up my renewed energy but am ever so thankful that I have it to use up.

Bye for now
Sandra

Still no lungs. I hate to write that. I feel as if you all have done your part and I'm shirking here. But I know I'm high priority on the list. And I know I only want those perfect lungs that will be meant for me so I wait with less or more patience.

Bad news. While waiting I contracted a fungal infection in my lungs...adds to the destruction of those already miserable twins. The fix is many months of a drug that costs more than my rent! But, alas, I had fundraising to fall back on and was able to say with only a small gulp, "Bring it on".

Good news. Then, two weeks into the regime, my team sent a letter to Nova Scotia to tell them that I needed the drug and that it cost the earth. Nova Scotia, after all my haranging to get them to spring for drugs decided to pay for this one! Hallelujia! Does anyone know if there was a change in policy regarding pharmacare?

So I'm unable to stay alone with the coughing fits that require help to get through. I have my mom with me just now and soon my friend Barb Luxton will come from Halifax for a stint. The wait cannot be much more, can it?

Thanks for sticking with me. I'm doing my best.

Sandra

I haven't written in a long time. Not because I haven't thought about it and all of you. But its hard to write and not let the longing for home leak into my words. Its even harder to have words open the deep connection I feel for my friends and family in Nova Scotia and not be able to be with them. Waiting has become difficult. I try to keep in mind that my whole job is waiting with purpose, like the piping plovers at the shore. Not idleness but work. Keeping healthy in mind and body. Keeping current of what the hospital and my team expect of me and indeed what I expect of myself.

While I've been idle, fundraisers have been busy polishing off the last of the work which has brought funds up to and exceeding the goal of $60,000! I can't believe it. I can't explain sufficiently the peace of mind that the bank account offers me while I wait, not worrying what the cost of the next drug prescribed will be, not exhausting myself travelling from a distance so that I can minimize housing costs. Hospital access is the most important feature of my life right now. I go to the hospital a minimum of three times a week and with the help of Ruby, my hot red scooter, it is 8 minutes door to door. My world is very small but it is still within my control.

You might have an image in your mind about what this treadmill room looks like, who I keep company with on my days of workout. I would lay bets that no matter what you guessed you would be way off.

Last week when I was thinking about writing here, I looked around and realized that I was the only one in the room that did not have an outstanding (nor indeed any) tattoo and my multiple piercings were confined to single earring holes. My companions that day however were young, very young. One had shocks of pink hair standing straight up. Another had rows of earrings lining his ear and others in lip and nose. All, yes, every one that day had visible tattoos, dragons, and snakes and angels. One had his father with him who also was pierced and painted. These rake thin kids are warriors dressed for a battle making themselves strong where they can, in their attitude!

I've learned a lot from them. Goal setting for instance. They have plans, every one of them. Some of the goals are for today. How many reps can they sustain on the pulleys? All of them have big plans of returning to school, or humanitarian projects, or just getting to a Bluejays game. Now that's optimism! If everyone could see them, selling the notion of organ donation would be a synch.

Other days the treadmill room has more of a mix. Lots of Newfoundlanders keep us laughing. Lots of Nova Scotians...is it the Atlantic ocean air? Many on the waiting list are doing a fancy balancing act to be there...extra expenses, kids farmed out, jobs on hold. The strain of worries rests clearly on their faces. A few, after their workout, slip into their jaguar that is waiting at the curb, the fragility of life no less an issue. Lung disease is very democratic.

Its easy to see that some people don't have the support we all need and are struggling to keep their emotional head above water while their body fades under them. That's not me, however! I have had the best kind of support from my team and family. Independance when I can handle it and unwavering companionship when the load becomes a two person job.

In 1998 when I had my first transplant the team here in Toronto did 35 lungs with about 50 people waiting on the list at any one time. In 2007 the team transplanted 99 lungs. Already, only April, this year 25 people have received the gift of life. There are still about 50 people waiting with me, hoping for their lucky day. We hope for each other. Luck is abundant.

I'm just plain up for a gab now that I've got going here. I don't want to ring off until I say again how grateful I am to Adriana Afford for her dedication and skill and calling in every favour ever owed to her, to pull off the very successful fundraising that allows me to be here. I know that when I identify Adriana, I am missing a hoard of people who have joined her leadership on many projects, some of which I'm not even aware. If you are one of these people please accept my thanks and forgive me not being able to address you specifically.

As always, please consider donation, especially this week, Organ Donation Awareness Week.

Thanks for listening
Sandra

To all the Artful Bag fundraisers: What a successful event this has turned out to be. Adriana tells me that it has grossed over $7000! I'd loved to have seen all the bags and their contents. I feel as if I have fallen behind in my 'thank you's' for the participation of so many hands to make this happen. For those of you who missed the actual event at which the draw occurred, this is the letter Olga Milosovitch kindly read for me. I share it with you now as a stand-in . It'll have to do although it doesn't begin to reflect my sincere thanks to everyone. And especially to Argyle Fine Art and its wonderful owner and staff.


7th February 2008
Hi Olga and thanks so much for hosting tonight!

Much as I'd like to be in Halifax attending this shindig, I'm marooned here on the 32nd floor of my Bay Street apartment. A pair of peregrine falcons nests somewhere up here and I see them hunting, several times a week, ( I hate to think for what). They are my symbol for freedom from these oxygen tanks and, this tiny life I lead.

Ruby the Red, my trusty scooter, allows me to escape three times a week to work out at the hospital treadmill room. Its eight minutes away door to door. Under the supervision of the physiotherapists I get stronger and more efficient in body , ready for the big day. It's a long wait...six months and counting...but I watch all of the projects by friends, colleagues and acquaintances with interest. It really does keep me hopeful.

I know the process of rolling out a project like the Artful Bags is not easy. I know how many hours and how much good will goes into making something like this productive and deceptively seamless. From all reports it will be a model project, and contribute lots of dollars to the fund. It could not happen without everybody's input..

What a good crew there's been. The seed of the idea from Anne Hillis was an inspiring one from the beginning and she negotiated with the generous bag makers. Patty McClelland jumped in applying her practical experience to make the project feasible. Holly Carr, Barb Luxton and Maureen Gale handled all the initial administration and creative details. Fanny and Hilroy Nathanson , pounded the pavement to find sponsors to fill the bags. Groups like the Basketry Guild and my own Brunch Bunch women artists, made sure the contents would have good craft included, something near and dear to my heart. Many outstanding ticket sellers were all critical to making this work and of course the ticket buyers were essential. Brandt and Crystal from Argyle Gallery were at the ready for whatever needed doing. Thanking all the fine artists who agreed to paint a bag will take me a lifetime.

None of this or any other project would have got off the ground without the ever patient and fun and creative energy of my dear friend, Adriana at Argyle Fine Art and her trusty sidekick, Joe. I will be forever in their debt.

So, Olga, make the night fun for all as only you can. And let everybody know how much I need their good thoughts and appreciate the deeds that have brought home such a successful fundraiser.

Bye for now
Love
Sandra
PS. As they say, "Don't take your lungs to heaven. Heaven knows we need them here". Dedicate your organs today!

Here's another example of a grassroots fundraiser that had lots of punch. This motley crew are the extended families of 17 friends who have camped together every year for most of their adult lives. Each year during their roundup weekend together they schedule games and sports and challenges, and bring new goods for auction which raise money to help some one or some thing. This year I was the lucky recipient. After a weekend I could only wish to be at, there was well over $1000 added to the secondwind fund and everybody had had some fun. If you look on the right, you will see my brothers Bryan and Dale and my sister-in-law Karen, the spearhead of this event. Among the participants are my niece Megan and nephews Beau and Dylan and their partners. Thank you everyone. By doing this you support my family as well as me.

Small initiatives in fundraising have been happening which got big results. The one illustrated by the photo, was a raffle set up by the payroll office at the Niagara Falls Hospital (my home town). Thanks to Etta, Gail, Lori, Kim and Rachelle, this Deluxe Crayola basket of goodies was displayed in a high traffic area of the hospital, along with a poster, and tickets were sold every day for weeks...to the tune of $850!! And do I know these women? No. Do they even know my sister-in law Karen who initiated the raffle? Not very well. This good heartedness about people always leaves me dumbfounded. Some lucky kid got a great treat and I reaped the benefit of a group of strangers generosity. Thank you so so much, Payroll Ouuu...I forgot to thank Chris Borycheski who works at Crayola, for donating this and two other Crayola packages. Thanks Chris! Thanks Karen!