Rachael Field's wonderful poem,

Something told the wild geese

it was time to go

'Though the fields lay golden

something whispered snow.....

has been poking at me all Autumn. If you are unfamiliar with the whole of this poem let me recommend you look it up. The image and sound of a V of geese in the late day sky will never seem the same again.

As many of you know, I spend a lot of time preparing my New Years Resolution. I always make it achievable and I always make it a nutshell of an idea so that I can speak about it, use it in my daily conversation and practice it so that it becomes natural and a kind of mantra by the time another year end rolls around. I'm finishing up with patience and forebearance, a two year tall order and a subject about which I am just beginning to feel the depth. Achievement is relative.

The Field poem has been haunting me because it seems to me geese get more signals about how to 'behave' than we humans. All other animals in fact have better 'manners' than people in terms of how to participate for the good of the group and for themselves. Maybe we've just lost touch with how to make good collective choices ...or maybe we just can't hear the instructions. In general this is true. But given the chance....

Having been witness this year to the group support as it unfolds before me; the fundraising, contributions from friend and neighbour, and neighbour of neighbour, and stranger, there is distinct resemblance to my geese. It has been a strong and wavering V that will swoop and bend to catch up a faltering spirit or coax on a tired member of the team. I so enjoy correspondence that results from the various projects large and small, and each note tells of the satisfaction felt by being part of a collective with a positive goal. Makes me feel less of a subject and more of a participant in a good idea!

Left on our own, many of us, (me!) do things that are not only against the good of the group but distinctly against the individual well being.. holding on to negative ideas about self or others. There's something juicily attractive to embroidering a long festering grudge or a self abrading notion. The results of doing so are ugly and destructive. Medical doctors tell us the reasons why they want us to stop...blood preasure, heart stress. Spiritual doctors tell us it will relieve physical pain, lead to greater simple happiness. I believe them! I do! But what is it I let go? And how? Where do I begin?

As always, I believe that change in behaviour begins with change in language. So this year you'll hear me jimmying the word release into my conversations with you. Or maybe with a few days left to ponder before the New Year it will head in the direction of the word forgiveness, a much more grown up word, one I may not be ready for. And surrender will swim in the periphery.

It is from the generosity of the Sandrassecondwind group that I draw inspiration for my resolution for 2008. Yaking it out here on the page I begin to see that surrender may take precedence for shaping my future...becoming more the person I wish to be...recognizing that by surrendering myself to the larger group I become a stronger individual with less room and no time for negative attachments.

Rather a rambling resolution but mine. What is yours?

Happy New Year and thanks to everyone

Love Sandra

PS I managed to spend 7 days with my family in Niagara Falls over Christmas and they were so impressed with the fundraising and so thankful of all of the creative support from so many directions

...and the goose is getting fat

My Christmas wish list is short this year. I'll bet you are guessing I would want those lungs to come my way soon, aren't you? And on the one hand I certainly do. On the flip side, that would mean that some other family's Holiday would be tragic. I cannot balance my own good luck against someone else's despair so I'm hoping for something other.

One person has already given me what I want for Christmas. But I'm greedy. I want it from everybody. That person, who shall remain nameless, wrote to tell me that she hadn't given much thought to transplant before. Oh, she'd thought about me, and she knew my struggles and my triumphs through the last set of lungs. But she just hadn't thought about herself and transplant and what it meant to her or anyone else.

In everyday life it seems quite healthy to not ponder our cornea doing double duty when we are finished with it. It would be morbid to dwell on how some piece of tissue we are currently taking to the gym to keep in shape could work just as well for someone else who has lost theirs in a fire. Likewise, lungs...hard to envisage them doing the heavy lifting in another's circulatory system. Its science fiction thinking. Not the stuff of day to day reality...or is it?

It is most of all our hearts we hate to think of 'giving away'. After all we have pledged our heart to our belief system, broken our heart at the loss of a loved one, opened it to a friend, cried our heart out over the loss of a pet, or a job or the end of an old movie. We keep our heart close to us. And we like it that way.

But my Christmas gift from my friend was just that. She spent a little time thinking about all of her 'bits and pieces' and she decided that giving them away when she was good and through with them was OK with her. She signed her donor card and told her family. She signed it for me. She gave me her heart literally and figuratively.

Best Christmas present I ever got!

The thing is, if we give it away, we get it back..big time.

I have met a family here in Toronto who had a daugher, Vicki. She was involved in a terrible accident years ago. And her family insisted that as much of her daugher's body be used for organ replacement as was possible...an act of generosity in a time of dire stress. This was many years ago. Amber's Mom still, these years later, holds an annual party. The flock of people, children now adults with children of their own, all come because they live on with some part of Amber assisting them and making life for each of them possible.

All organ donation is now anonymous and for good reason but it reminds me that surrender is a kind of total freedom and that we cannot lose ourselves by sharing with others. Maybe it's easier if you think of helping just one other person. What if years from now a person in your spectrum of life needed a heart, a lung a kidney. Wouldn't you hope that it would be available? It will only be available if, right now, when there is no such need for it, everyone who can, signs their donor card and tells their family. Signing alone is not good enough. Families have to know your wishes. Hard? Darn hard. Now? No time like the present... and family is gathered for the holiday. Why not approach it as a family?

Please give me what I want for Christmas. Sign a donor organ card and tell your family of your wishes.

You may find you have given the greatest gift to yourself.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.

Sandra

How to make your wishes known? First tell your family. Second sign a donors' card and carry it in your wallet Download Donor Cards from Trillium Gift of Life Network Also when you renew your health card be sure to ask them to record your wishes on it
Download Donor Cards from OrganDonor.Gov

ARTFUL BAGS! GET YOUR TICKETS TO ORIGINAL ART ON A BAG AND TEMPTING PRIZES INSIDE. Tickets just $15!

CLICK ON THE IMAGE ABOVE TO SEE A LARGER VERSION AND READ THE DETAILS

NSDCC Ticket Selling Success! ARTFUL BAGS!

Here are some pictures of the volunteers and a happy purchaser!

THANK YOU TO everyone that bought a ticket on one of the beautiful ARTFUL BAGS this weekend at the NSDCC Craft Market. Also thank you to volunteers and the folks at the Craft Council in allowing us to be selling such tickets at their wonderful event. Over 100 tickets were sold and lots of wonderful cards donated by Sharon MacDonald sold as well. Also, lots of well wishers for Sandra dropped by and other artisans that were there donated things for inside the bags. Oh and another artist is making an artful bag too- Suezan Aitkens! What a great weekend!

While fundraising has been the major focus of this blog and it certainly is pivotal to making this project a success, some of you ask how I make the day to day ends meet. A new obstacle this past few weeks brought to the fore of my mind the other most important ingredient to making this a successful project and about which I've not spoken.

My support network

This is made up of five women, all long term friends...and I mean LONG...you may remember that I was born and raised in Southern Ontario, went to public school here and attended the University of Western Ontario. I have a kernel of friends who have come with me through much of that time. Of the five women the one I have known the shortest time is a strong ten year friendship...the longest 50 years! (We shared our first two-wheeler). The others, 15, 32, and 45 year friendships. No faint of heart friends here. Tested and true. And then there is the honorary member of the support team, my Mom, Jeanne.

When a person applies to the transplant programme they are required to have a support person in place. I couldn't provide that and had to sell the notion of a team approach. It was iffy and the weak point in my application to join the programme. One person in the psych department rooted for this model, in fact had been advocating for something similar for everyone. The sceptics tested my team more than once. Asked for important appointments with little time to organize. Expected attendance at some pretty tough procedures. Called them out of the blue and questioned the degree of their commitment.

If my team had a category in the Olympics they would wear medals. As it is I'll be coining my own to anoint them by the time we are finished.

This is how the team works day to day. The calendar goes out on the internet and people commit to blocks of a week, sometimes two, over a two month period. They also list their absolutely impossible times. They have jobs and families and life commitments. It proves the rule: If you want something done, ask a busy person.

They negotiate on line if there are conflicts or holes in the schedule, trade and keep it all recorded so I am always secure about who's on first.

Their job in their week 'on' is to be at the end of a cell phone 24 hours a day waiting for the BIG call that lungs have arrived. They are prepared to clear their slate at a moments notice. They phone in daily, check to see if I am well, need groceries, suss out if I am eating and attending physio (I can hide out now and again). It's a fancy dance between being a caregiver and being my friend. But every one of them has managed an elegant meshing of each. Some time in the duty week, I see that support person for a social event, a picnic at my house, or dinner out, an afternoon tea or a trip to the book store, depending on my energy and theirs. I find it is safe to be vulnerable as long as I feel I am in community, have a net that they provide.

This past few weeks I encountered a bigger obstacle than one person can handle. I was taken off the transplant list after a CT scan detected a spot on my lungs. I plunged into darkness for a day or two. Knowledge is good but this knowledge knocked hope out from under me. I wasn't ready to step out on my own. Then I called my team.

They banged into action. One of them came with me for a meeting with the head of the team to discuss and decide on a strategy to proceed. It was during this part of the process that I realized afresh just how solid my team was. My choices were few. I could repeat a scan every three months hoping that the spot would disappear. During this time I would be suspended from the list. The alternative was to have a needle biopsy of the lung and examine the sample to determine if it was the big C word or something else we didn't need to worry about. If it was cancerous, I would be permanently removed from the transplant list and could pack up and come home. If it was not, I would immediately go back on the waiting list.

Each person in my team has special and specific gifts they offer me. They are particularly generous with these gifts. Among them there are comforters, both spiritual and body, organizers, researchers , cooks, morale boosters and entertainers. Left to the natural synergy of the group, all my needs seem to get taken care of using the best from each person.

I discussed the alternatives with each of them and the logisitics of each choice. Their answers, each a different area of concern, became the pieces of the puzzle that culminated in my decision to go ahead with the procedure. On Friday past, I and one of my crew went to TGH. The procedure had a 50/50 chance of making more problems than it solved.

With the aide of my team, this camel slipped through the eye of the needle. The biopsy was clear of anything ominous. I will be relisted later this week and the wait for my new lungs with resume.

With celebration, and much gratitude, to Barb, Jane, Kris, Martha, and Wendy

Thank you and love

Sandra

Greetings from sunny and warm Toronto. This spectacularly mild autumn has been lovely for one travelling by scooter, rain or shine. Also good for the spirits as we can at least pretend that the snow is not just around the corner. Thought I'd post a picture of what Wilcox looks like now so you'll know and I'll keep clearly in mind what I am aiming get back to...according to Buddy, my neighbour, the colour at Wilcox is at its peak just now and screaming out from the back fields at sundown. I know just what he means.

Here in Ontario trees have taken a beating over the dry summer and have not coloured off much at all. In fact on a trip to Niagara for Thanksgiving I saw many trees dead or dying along the escarpment as we drove the old #8 from Hamilton to St Catherines.

There sure are a lot of Maritimers here at the transplant unit. What is it about our lifestyle that makes such a mess of our lungs I have to wonder. Of course maybe its the story of driving a Volkswagon. Suddenly the world is filled with Volkswagons.

I haven't much to say except that the first waves of homesickness struck last week. I did what every good mother would do. I called my dog... but she wasn't home. Now that Kansas has a job, that girl is never home. Did you know that she's 'working' on a horse farm dedicated to breeding monozygote apppolusas? (Someone tell me how to spell this correctly please. I made the fatal error of coming to Toronto without my trusty dictionary) She's the chief foreman and adjudicator of barncat disputes, puppy dog napping times, line ups for who's first to get into the truck, and general issues of confusion, she voting for more of it every time, of course. So far she's reported to be doing a splendid job! I expect that by the time I return home she'll be so advanced that she'll able to support me in the fashion to which I'm fast becoming accustomed.

This is Miss K on one of her more contrite days. Happy Autumn all! Sandra

HELP SANDRA FLY! AIRMILES FOR SANDRA

PICK UP AN AIRMILES CARD TODAY FROM ARGYLE FINE ART . THEN use it when you do your shopping and every point will make it one step easier for Sandra to travel when she needs to after surgery and her caregivers to travel to TO now! IT's EASY!

DAWN MACNUTT WRITES:
When Sandra had her first transplant nine years ago, I was able to set up a corporate account and distribute nearly a hundred Sandra Winter Air miles collector cards so that many people could collect points for Sandra’s travel and her caregivers. Points are collected by purchasing at eligible businesses, which include Sobey’s, the Bay, Chapters, Holiday Inn, Eddie Bauer, Expedia, Amazon Books. For complete list of retailers, check http://www.airmilesshops.ca/servlet/ContentServer?pagename=airmilesshops/Home&RefererPage=RNC3_SearchByCategory_1127326545027_PageNumber_1_TopNav_1116341051168

While points accumulate slowly on an individual basis, many collectors mean substantial numbers, so that Sandra’s necessary travels back and forth to Toronto were pretty well covered through these years.

If anyone has one of the Sandra Winter Travel Collector cards, they can still collect for her travels and those of her caregivers (same account as before). Someone asked if they could transfer the points they have accumulated on their own personal Airmiles card. I checked and the way to do that would be to close your current personal account and transfer all your points to her account... there is no provision for partial transfer.

Name that Scooter!

As you can see by the photo, Scooter is great! But she desperately needs a name. Got ideas? Post them in 'comments'.

My brothers, Dale and Bryan, wanted to jazz her up a bit, crank the seat down to make her a lowrider, a few mean sound affects, you know, not so 'old lady' like...make people realize I meant business when I pulled up to their establishment! I settled for some minor tweeking that means I can now reach the handlebars and sit on the seat at the same time.

Peter, the lovely man who delivered my scooter is from Golden Technologies in Barrie Ontario and the company has been kind enough to give me my liberty in the form of this scooter (notice it matches exactly my glasses!) as a loaner for whatever the period of time it is that I need it. What a terrific 'in kind' donation the value of many thousands of dollars. Invaluable to me!

Thanks must also go to John and Brenda Hartley who through their medical supply business, deal with Golden and requested the donation. They have for the second time, arranged for this invaluable service to me. (They'll be mortified that I mentioned them but, J & B, it couldn't be helped)

There have been four transplants since I arrived in July. I'm moving up there. It could happen for me at any time. Hopefully I won't need to use the scooter for very long but as I do now

Please Help Me with a Name

So, Does that photo above make you feel dizzy? Me too! Looking out the 32nd floor of my building kind of fits the dizzying path my life has been taking since coming to Toronto. Fortunately it is beginning to take on some rhythm and routine and soon I will replace that shaky photo with one of me on my NEW RED SCOOTER! It has just arrived. It goes 9 km an hour, if only those %#&* pedestrians would get out of my way. What a liberation. I can now plan reasonable outings to remove myself from this concrete jungle and spend the day in, say, the YoYo Mah Music Garden, or the Textiles Museum, or the Design Exchange...or the garment district. Oxygen and a scooter....I'll not be stoppable now.

The other good news (oh I have so much good news) is that the fundraising passed the $40,000 mark this week. Its a cruise home now.

And the third good news is that my son, Gaelen Andrew arrives on Monday for a 10 day holiday here in the little apple. He's an old hand at TO and looks forward to reconnecting with his buds and lollygaging in his favorite comic store in the world, the Silver Snail. This is his first holiday in 7 years. How lucky I am that he's chosen to spend some of it with me.

And the other other good news is that my brothers, Bryan and Dale, my sisterinlaw, Karen and my nieces and nephews took up Adrianna's challenge to have a yard sale but with a twist. They decided instead to use their annual camp out, a 17 year tradition, to raise money for the fund through games and raffles and races. They presented me with a picture of all 48 of the participants and the rewards of the day: $825!! Challenge met! and then some. When they supply me with an email pic I'll post it for all to see their tired happy generous faces.

Much good news from Toronto!

After a great harrangue, and much help, I have found a good apartment! It is so close to the hospital that I can feel the whoosh of the medivac helicopers as they land on the roof of TGH. This will be great in winter as I scoot along to my apointments and don't have to battle the wind tunnels created by all the tall buildings here. Furniture for this new (and accessible and mould free!) place has materialized via the collective efforts of one kind family and will be delivered by a crew of volunteers from the staff of George Brown College on Thursday!

Being homeless is a chronic problem very evident in a city like Toronto. My week of speculative homelessness as distant from the hard reality as it is, has made me appreciate and really observe those who are not so fortunate as myself.

Second good news item...

As of Monday when a very generous donation was sent to the Lung Assocaiton, fund raising passed the half way mark...and by several thousand dollars too!

Thanks to all

Sandra

I've landed! An unremarkable trip to Toronto and an easy installation into my furnished apartment on Wood Street leaves me anxious to meet with the surgeons on Monday and get this show on the road! I have heard of people receiving lungs the first day they were listed. Failing that wishful thinking, this spot should be very interesting once I get my bearings.

I'm on the 30th floor and my balcony looks south over the core of downtown and the lakes where I can watch tiny sailing races on any given day. There is a distinct feeling of being in a Jetson's TV show as the air traffic is amazing...bright orange copters and sleek jets heading for Toronto island whiz by my balcony dodging spires and other high rises.

The first day I was called to the balcony because a pipe and drums parade was going by..what a royal welcome for an arriving Nova Scotian. The days have contained everything from VERY loud presentations by hari krishna, rock singers, baladeers and middle eastern singing groups. I haven't quite located the source but the buildings amplify the sound so it comes in loud if not clear. Oh, the buzz of a city.

I have yet to go out and explore as my scooter is not yet here. But Andree has done a recconoiter for me and has located the most important things, food, a pub, the library, an LCB.

On her first trip out she was asked directions from a woman. Andree told them she'd been in Toronto only one hour. She exchanged information with the woman and found that she was a Newfoundlander who wa accompanying a woman waiting for a double lung transplant...and where did she live? The apartment next to mine! Were did her partner hail from? Hantsport Nova Scotia!! This trip is ruled by providence.

All this to say, first part over. And thanks again for all the people involved in just getting me here. Kansas is too busy with her new job as foredog on the Rein Tree horse training farm to have put an entry on the blog but I'm sure we'll be hearing from her soon.

Sandra

Listen to Sandra AGAIN on CBC on Thursday, July 12th on Information Morning between 6-8:30am!

Sandra is going to be on CBC AGAIN...just a day before she heads to Toronto to begin the waiting process for new lungs. Our fundraising efforts continue here. Tune into to CBC Radio One to hear the interview with Sandra. This is a follow up to the earlier interview they had done with Sandra on June 27th.

To hear the interview from June 27th, Click on the link below to hear the interview via streaming media...http://www.cbc.ca/informationmorningns/interviews.html . The link for the interview from July 12 will be here soon too, after it has aired or by going to the CBC Information Morning website.

Thanks to my many hard working fund raisers and generous friends and aquaintances, the Lung Association to date has received over $10,000.. in just over a month...enough for me to have the confidence to secure an apartment near the Toronto hospital and begin to pack my bags for my BIG ADVENTURE. I am hoping to leave Friday the 13th July...might as well take fate by the horns! My lovely friend Andree LaPare will accompany me and stay long enough to try out the guest bed and help me get over my fright about living on the 30th floor....it is going to be some change from home-home-on-the-range here at Wilcox...but I am up for the adventure. And I thank everyone so much for helping me out the door.

YARD SALE A SMASHING SUCCESS! and it's just the beginning....

Some of Us got a little silly..but it sold the stuff..Lots of fun...Look at that Lady go with the Lamp

The Team!

There were very cute dogs that visited...they say woof woof to Kansas!


The CROWD

On Saturday, June 16th many of Sandra Winter's friends gathered together to have a giant yard sale-with all the funds going to Sandra, of course. Despite the rain, we had crowds and crowds. It was a fun day and so many people were so supportive and bought lots and lots and lots of stuff. Many too, bought tickets on Jamie Pratt's beautiful wall quilt. They send their prayers and best wishes to Sandra-everyone cares a great deal! Although the formal tally for the yard sale and the raffle is still being counted, we can safely say we raised approximately $1500....not bad for an afternoon. Thank you to everyone for helping out, donating stuff and to Barbara, for loaning her drive-way, her basement, mint tea...Barb rocks! OH yeah, almost forgot,a local paper came by to talk to us and find out about Sandra and CTV was there filming all the buying action. Enjoy some of these fun pictures from the Yard Sale!

Feel free to do that too or simply make a monetary donation directy to the Lung Association in trust for Sandra Winter (address at top of this blog!!) Tax Receipts are available. See our growing number of online auction items at http://sandrawintersonlineauction.blogspot.com/

Where's Waldo?

This post is a bit of a WHERE'S WALDO...or Barb, or Pat, Maureen or Ann, Adrianna or Marsha, or ...you. I know that fundraising is going on all around me. I only hear snippets because people are trying not to wear me out. But it would be support to me and support to one another if the various pockets of fundraising projects were posted here to expand the picture of what is being or could be done. Contact me or leave a message in comments and I'll give you the 'key' to the site so you can upload your idea, pictures of your event, or your own smiling face. The notion that there is a human 'family' out there who are rooting for me is as much the support I need as to pay for those @#&%@#*$ drugs. Here are a very few of the people I know of who are beavering away at fundraising.

Support comes in many forms. None is more significant in this process that those offering peace of mind. My lovely neighbour Buddy provides this for me in spades. Along with checking in with me at least once a day, he keeps my gardens in tip top order....lets me feel joy and not frustration when I see them from my window and can't get out to work in them. Kansas loves him too. We all should have (and be!) such a great neighbour!

The most important of the many things I was able to do with my first set of new lungs was to finish raising my lovely son Gaelen Andrew. He was only 16 when we had to pick up and move to Toronto where he became the sole support person for me, carrying a beeper and on call 24 hours a day. Too big a job for a teenager but accomplished even while continuing his high school education at Contact, a wonderful alternative school which happened to be in the same building as we lived. He is now 26 and as fine a man as I could wish. He has been working for 6 years at Fireside Restaurant in Halifax as a cook, which he finds very fun. Yes, I got to finish raising my son with the first set of lungs. Dare I hope that with the second I'll have a chance to have time with grandbabies? Sandra